Bizarre telephone calls

photo © 2010 Frédéric BISSON | more info (via: Wylio)

I reckon I get a greater number of bizarre telephone calls since being ordained.

I quite enjoy them if I am honest.

Once, I was called to answer a question about Christianity because two people who I didn’t know from Adam were having a disagreement, and they needed someone to give the definitive answer.

Another time someone called me to ask me to offer some advice and Bible verses for a talk that he was doing the next week.

Then there are the ones that I refer on to the church wardens – “Is my auntie Ethyl buried in your church?”, “Is this brass rubbing that Grandpa Smith made from brass in your church?”

I don’t really think I am very good at these conversations, enjoyable though they are. This was a recent one (changed a few details):

“Yes... hello… My name’s Smythe and I used to be the Archdeacon of St Albans”.

(Oooo… very important person – must be on best behaviour!)

“I wonder, can you tell me, is Brill Church worth visiting?”

“Ummmm…..”

“Let me explain, I take a group of people round ancient churches and then we have a pub lunch”.

“Oh… well the thing is I don’t know much about church buildings”.

“Shame on you.”

“Mmm.. well it is nice, if you are into that sort of thing… I suppose. But I do know about pubs and there is an excellent Pub…..”

“Yes, yes, yes, I already know about the pub, it is the church I was wondering about”.

“Hum… well Wotton is unusual… it has a whole aisle full of dead people…

…errr – they are like dead people, all in their own little drawers…

… important dead people, they are the… err…”

(Yikes, but who are they??? Something to do with Buckingham).

“… the… umm.. Dukes of Buckingham" (trying to sound convincing).

“Ah, yes, that sounds very good. I shall look into that. Thank-you very much indeed.

What do you reckon? I give myself 5 out of 10 for that conversation.