Mmmm... preached on 'do not worry' today.. three times... and I am feeling like a hypocrite because I am anxious tonight. I think generalised anxiety is a recurring theme for me. I'm not a fretter.... and I am not fearful as such.. indeed people consider me to be fearless and courageous... but I have a cloud that often descends that is anxiety. And it doesn't get shaken by any of the 'birds in the air and lilies in the field' remedies that I preached this morning. I do get sick of anxiety and phobias. I wondered whether every survivor of childhood sexual abuse suffers from anxiety. (Am I just being a victim, I wonder by asking such questions).
Anyway, I found a fascinating table that I think is really spot on here. I have posted it below. It seems to me quite miraculous that if I tick the things that apply to me in the left hand column, I find that I have suffered from the symptoms in the right hand column. This blog has taught me that many people suffer from similar stress for a variety of reasons, and childhood sexual abuse is just one obstacle that folks have to overcome amongst many in life. However, I also know many survivors of childhood sexual abuse follow this blog, so I thought you might be interested in the table. I suppose the table makes me happy because I feel I am 'normal' - the symptoms correlate to the events that happened, and most people would respond as I have:
13 comments:
I wondered whether every survivor of childhood sexual abuse suffers from anxiety
Yes, that and much more.
It is no coincidence that upon interviewing many of the most damaged within our society, especially those sufferering from severe personality disorders, childhood trauma is almost universal.
I cannot over-emphasise the fact that childhood abuse (in all its varied forms)is one of the - if not the main - cause of adulthood mental and personality abberations.
many of the causes of these 'problems' are precipitated by events that cause a post traumatic response. It is difficult enough for an adult to handle this, let alone a child.
Am I just being a victim, I wonder by asking such questions
No, these are natural questions and thought processes and part of the psychological process of 'working through' and towards a degree of recovery.
Leslie, some of us are victims. This is not indicative of weakness, this is simple hard fact.
Re feelings of hypocrisy.
What difference does it make that Jesus (and Matthew) is saying these words to e group or community of disciples, rather than (as we so often read them) to individuals? Sure there is an individual aspect, but God's care is to and through the Christian community. "Do not worry" is said in the context of knowing we are loved and cared for by God. Sometimes we can know this with our conscious mind, but our emotions do not follow, and you can't always address these issues by an act of will (which is not what Jesus is saying anyway).
Thanks Stuart and Revsimmy.
Very pertinent points, both of you.
I suppose your comments beg questions from me that you may or may not want to answer:
Stuart, I'd love to hear your story.
Revsimmy, as a more experienced priest than me, how do you deal with knowing the tremendous grief and pain that some of the lovely people that you preach to week by week carry? And what words are there to say at tragic funerals? 'Do not worry' seems trite at a Sunday service...
I'm obviously tired after a long day.
Much of me would love to share my story but it's hard.
I'm getting braver Lesley, and more and more open in some of my blog posts and comments.
But I'm still racked with shame and somewhat shy.
For me the effects have been more devestating than anxiety alone. That's not to belittle anxiety as this is also part of my experience and can be particularly debilitating.
I'm trying to overcome....with a lot of help,support and love.
It's anxiety, self doubt, guilt and alot more besides, and everyday that it's unresolved seems to add more to the ongoing pain because it affects things now - complicating relationships unnecessarily.
The worst part of it is that it's nothing like a soap opera.
There is no "let's settle things once and for all" moment, no cleansing fireside chat with ones abuser when one can ask the pertinent questions and find closure.
The saddest is just how common people are abused and just how mediocre their abusers appear to be if and when they are confronted.
I'm not a Christian by the way, not that it should really make any difference.
Lesley
It was a bit of a shock to see myself described as a “more experienced priest”, even though you qualified it with “than me.” Even after 10 years in ordained ministry I still feel like a newbie! Mind you, six years ago when I first moved here, several things happened that even my area dean with 25 years experience had never come across before. There is always something new, however long we have been at it.
Preaching week by week is an enormous privilege and often one is aware of the pain and difficulties that some members of your congregation suffer. At the same time, there are other people and situations which call for celebration and rejoicing. Keeping the balance between these two aspects is necessary, and I think it is important not to let your awareness of either dominate in preaching and leading of worship. Not for nothing does the writer to the Ephesians (4:11 – my evangelical slip is showing!) link the roles of pastor and teacher. Preaching and teaching are very pastoral acts.
I am always amazed when people give me feedback to find exactly what has spoken to them individually. Often it is something that I thought was only a throwaway comment (so be careful with these); sometimes it wasn’t even anything I actually said, but something that sparked a connection with something else in the hearer’s mind. So I try to approach the task of preaching in a prayerful attitude, and trust that the Holy Spirit will use whatever I say in a positive and constructive manner.
I try never to be glib or to give trite answers. I don’t know to what extent I succeed. It doesn’t hurt to be honest and to admit occasionally that you struggle with something in a passage; indeed it can be quite encouraging for some to know they are not alone in this. However, I think it needs to be done sparingly. If it happens too frequently otherwise it leads to discouragement in the congregation. I am not here just to share my own angst, and if I have a lot of big issues then there are other, more appropriate places and people to deal with them (spiritual director, chapter if yours is one that takes the mutual support role seriously, close colleagues and friends).
There is no “one size fits all” approach to tragic funerals. Each one is different depending on the exact circumstances, the background of the family etc. Sometimes there are no words to say, and what is required is simply to be present. It seems to me that the biblical writers struggle with the issue of suffering and theodicy. And none of the texts gives a clear, coherent answer, simply pointers to aspects of the problem. For me, as I deal with these situations, the incarnation and passion of Jesus are key. God is not an onlooker, but present alongside and within the situation to support and empathise. I am also glad that the book of Job is in the Hebrew bible, as it knocks on the head any idea that pain and suffering are part of some cosmic reward and punishment system (which I hear expressed quite often).
I don’t know quite what type of response you were expecting. I wanted to do justice to your question (hence the delay in replying), but I don’t know if I have really. It’s just one priest’s attempt to make a bit of sense of it all, and I hope it helps. I’d be interested to know what others think and how they approach these situations.
Hello,
Do you fully understand Grace? I ask this, because I find in general that most Christians do not. They profess to understand it but continue in a salvation by works programme of one kind or another.
Without fully understanding Grace I would never have recovered from the Spiritual abuse I received and resulting phobias; all caused by a legalistic cult with their satanic Judaising.
Thanks all - clearly a lot of understanding of the dynamic of abuse and redemption here in this thread. Interesting that you are all men.. I think the reality of the suffering that men experience is sometimes overlooked with respect to abuse of all kinds. (Oh as far as I am concerned it doesn't matter at all whether you are a Christian, your contributions are of equal value to me).
Revsimmy, thank-you - that was very helpful and interesting. I feel I probably would do your comment more justice if I re-posted some of it again so others can muse on the issue with us.
Lesley
I was very tempted to post an adapted version on A Tree in the Forest (with a bit of background, some links and changes to pronouns, tenses etc.) and if you are happy with that I think I will still do so. However, if you also repost some of it here, then it will probably reach a rather wider audience, with potentially more fruitful discussion. Perhaps we could do both?
Post it on yours - I am swamped and may well forget...
The post is now here.
Lesley - this was the post I was looking for !
Very interesting reading that list - I would say Anxiety was one amongst many issues which manifest themselves.
I genuinely believed I'd put a lot of this stuff to bed and hadn't related the anxiety and control issues at all to childhood abuse - you've made me realise I may need to revisit this some more.
Hi Jo
Glad you found the post - eventually!
Yes, I think it is one of those layers of an onion thing - there are times when it feels fixed and times when a new layer presents itself...
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