Abandoning ourselves to God

Last night, during my prayers, one of the phrases I meditated on was this:

There are very few people who realise what God would make of them if they abandoned themselves into his hands, and let themselves be formed by his grace. (St Ignatius) I ask for the grace to trust myself totally to God's love.

It reminded me of a tandem skydive I did a while ago. The video that was taken showed me with a great grin on my face all the way through: in the aeroplane, jumping out at 12000 feet, hurtling down at 120 miles per hour, parachute opening and decelerating to 30 miles per hour in an instant, then twirling around for ages before landing. I was on such a high I wanted to go straight back up and do it again.

The skydive was a gift from my husband who knew I would love it and foolishly he let me persuade him to do one too... It was a different story. He had a look of pure terror on his face in the aircraft, almost refused to jump, then went into shock during the free fall and was freezing. He had a nasty experience when the parachute opened, grabbing him in the groin, then felt sick during the twirling with the parachute open, and was so pleased to see terra firma that he stuck his feet out at the wrong moment and caused his burly, tall tandem instructor to fall on top of him during the landing.

It was the same journey, I trusted the parachute and the instructor so was free to enjoy the ride, my husband didn't find that freedom or pleasure. Now whilst I seem to be able to trust a parachute, I find abandoning myself into God's hands a different story.